Whacked out Groupons, pt. 2

So, earlier this week I posted about a Groupon for horseback riding that made me both laugh and go WTF.

It turns out that Groupon must have a writer on staff who injects humor into all the posts. Another one had caught my eye so I went through and looked at the last few offers currently out there for Minneapolis. Turns out that they usually have jokes in the descriptions. Darn it! Now I’m going to have to look at all the Groupon emails I get even if I think I’m not interested in what they’re offering! Here’s what’s out there right now:

1. Wax Kitten OK, this part isn’t Groupon. It’s the actual business name. Since they do Brazilian waxing I love that the name seems to be a tongue-in-cheek nod to that ever popular name for woman parts, the pussy. But my brain also thinks “Waxing kittens? Is that how they get those weird hairless sphinx cats?”
Anyway, back on topic. The ad copy for their current offer:

Along with damaging one’s self-image, rogue hair can cause discomfort and serve as a static-filled attraction for feral balloons. Banish marauding gasbags with this Groupon.

2. Fairway Flyerz This one’s for disc golf equipment.

Disc golf combines frisbee and golf, just as the spork unites a spoon and fork and the liger is basically a lime-flavored tiger. Discover the joys of hybrid inventions with this Groupon.

Liger = lime-flavored tiger! *giggle*

3. Calhoun Natural Medicine & Aesthetics For body-sculpting treatments.

It’s healthy to kick out excess fat cells, just like it’s healthy to kick out adult children who have asked for your blessing to marry the couch. Shed dead weight with this Groupon.

and at the end of the ad:

A trained tech couples the power of a BBL BroadBand light system with the ancient art of death-metal screaming to permanently remove unwanted body hair.

4. Mt. Fuji A hibachi restaurant

The first European explorers set sail to find new, exotic spices to please their hungry monarchs, but all they discovered were heaps of inedible gold. Broaden your mouth’s horizons with this Groupon.

5. Kinsen Noodles & Bar A pan-Asian restaurant

Sharing a meal can bring people closer together, similar to trust-fall exercises or group-hugs initiated by Mr. Fantastic. Nurture kinships with this Groupon.

6. Tokyo Sushi & Grill A sushi restaurant. Dammit. Now I’m craving sushi.

If humans are mostly made of water, and fish traditionally inhabit water, fish should naturally occur in the human body. Fix this gap in nature’s logic with this Groupon.

7. Minnesota Dragons Did you know that Minnesota has semi-pro football teams? Me either.

Football, or “pigskin,” originally a pork byproduct, has become America’s most popular pork-related pastime after recently topping baseball—a byproduct of sausage races. Commemorate sport’s other meat with this GrouponLive deal to see the Minnesota Dragons play at the Metrodome.

and from the body copy:

Among the season’s four home games, the energized roster squares off against fellow Minnesotans—and 2011 champs—the St. Paul Pioneers in a battle to determine who will lay claim to the Twin Cities and who will have to play the rest of their games at the bottom of Lake Superior.

This groupon intrigues me. After the suckitude of the Vikings the last two seasons it might be fun to see if these guys are any good.